Fantasy Island (2020)

Can you imagine taking a concept as rife with genre potential as the titular ’70s show, giving it a decent-sized budget as well as an absolutely stunning shooting locale, and ending up with something as toothless and neutered as this?? It’s like the movie has no clue what it wants to be when it grows up: It’s a lighthearted horror yarn but it’s also a hardcore one, it’s an adventure movie but also a war drama, a revenge tale mixed with an unearned redemption one, not to mention a bunch of unreliable narrators and absolutely zero likable characters. Additionally, there’s the PG-13 rating: A number of times the movie comes close to growing balls (in particular during an early scene that calls to mind the gruesomeness and intensity of the “Saw” movies but chickens out like it’s a “Scooby-Doo” episode instead of a studio horror movie), but always figures out a way to fumble its way to the finish line. By the time the first hour is over you’re completely done with this, and there’s still an interminable 40ish minutes left. If a movie can make the usually-electric Michael Peña into a somnambulant, anonymous baddie who registers no menace, aggression or power, then it’s just not worth your time, you know?

Rating: ★★ (out of 5)

Music Box (1989)

A few months ago, I mentioned in my review for “The Lincoln Lawyer” that I have an aversion for courtroom dramas because I resent the manufactured suspense (which is all based on bad-faith strawman arguments propped up for and by a deeply corrupt legal system). So, I’m not sure why I elected to watch this other than my appreciation for Jessica Lange, but I’m pretty glad I did. Like “Lincoln Lawyer,” it does its job extremely well: It may not be a genre I particularly appreciate but you gotta respect game when you see it, and “Music Box” has some game. Lange is perfectly cast as a rather brittle, fastidious attorney whose professional and personal lives are thrown into chaos when her beloved father, a Hungarian immigrant who escaped during World War II, is accused of having been a Nazi guard during the Hungarian occupation, and a particularly abominable one at that. It leads to several undeniably riveting courtroom exchanges, each of which carry the weight of a loaded gun shot in the dark, and however contrived it is, it’s effective. The screenplay by Joe Eszterhas has the aura of respectability but that’s mostly borrowed from the gravitas of director Costa-Gravas, as it’s fairly shallow and uninterested in honest character development in favor of outbursts and simplistic call-backs, but luckily the cast (including Armin Mueller-Stahl in a chilling performance as Lange’s father) and direction carry water for the audience.

Rating: ★★★ (out of 5)

Slither (2006)

Like a modern-day version of 1986’s “Night of the Creeps,” “Slither” is an underrated horror gem that plays like several genre movies at once. Much like “Creeps,” it borrows liberally from classic and modern horror, everything from “The Blob” to “Arachnophobia” to “Dawn of the Dead,” and the result is an entertaining, exciting and occasionally icky blast. The lead trio of Elizabeth Banks, Nathan Fillion and Michael Rooker, are each perfectly cast and manage to play off each other very well, and in the process they create likable characters the audience can root for. The movie has a wicked sense of humor, throwing out semi-meta one-liners once in a while to keep the audience on their toes, and the contrast with the over-the-top gore (which often gets respectably grisly) manages to make both elements stand out even more. It’s a shame that things fall apart in the last act, as the movie takes a predictable and tiresome turn for its climax, but on the way there, this is a solid little cult classic waiting to happen.

Rating: ★★★★ (out of 5)

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

I’ll confess, this is one of the Marvel movies that everyone seems to love but leaves me a little indifferent. The usual Marvel elements are here: The glossy sheen, the first-rate special effects, the impressive set design, and the crowd-pleasing formula that’s served the franchise quite well so far. Other than that however, it doesn’t really work for me: Chris Pratt is miscast as Star-Lord, acting like he’s on a sitcom instead of a space adventure, and he’s surrounded by a first-rate supporting cast that doesn’t seem to know what to do with themselves. The majority of the praise and appreciation of this movie seems to revolve around the soundtrack which, although very good, is a poor substitute for effective characterization and an engaging plot. Ultimately it’s clear that the majority of movie watchers found this to be a treat so maybe I’m just a bit of a curmudgeon, but I think it’s a bit underwhelming.

Rating: ★★★ (out of 5)

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)

It’s more of the same for this sequel to 2014’s runaway smash, and while I wasn’t a huge fan of the first one, it turns out to be the right move. Chris Pratt does the Christ Pratt thing as Starlord, while franchise newcomer Kurt Russell acquits himself well to the spirit of the movie and becomes an immediately integral part of the proceedings. The story is simple to follow and doesn’t require much investment from the audience, who are instead free to take it the gorgeous and imaginative sets and costumes, not to mention the carefully selected, crowd-pleasing use of music from beginning to end. On the downside, Zoe Saldana continues to elude likability or levity onscreen, but not even her particular brand of joylessness can ruin this party.

Rating: ★★★ (out of 5)